That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
