Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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