Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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