i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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