you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
