you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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