i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
