i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
