i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
