just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
