Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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