Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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