when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
