All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
