Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
