i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
