you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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