He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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