You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
