you mean i was at the winter classic?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
