Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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