I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
