i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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