3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
