We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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