Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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