you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
