Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
