I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
