remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
