my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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