I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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