You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
