Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
