I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize