The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
