So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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