dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
