I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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