You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
