covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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