is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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