you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
