its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this is an emotional support booty call
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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