I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
