she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Randomize
