I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
