We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
