I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize