I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
