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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found the puke drawer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
