hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
