u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
