that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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