Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
