Fuck appropriateness.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
