someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
