Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
