I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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