i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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