So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
