I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
