i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize