The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
