Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
