It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think i have two assholes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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