You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
